when marriage ends

By: ewhite422

Jun 01 2010

Category: Uncategorized

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I just received a CNN news update on my cell phone, “Former Vice President Al Gore and wife Tipper to separate after 40 years of marriage…”

Immediately, my mind rehearsed the times I watched them on television.  I never noted strain between them, unlike the Edwards’, who, when John announced his presidency, I noticed that they did not walk together from the garden where they held their press conference.  I thought that was strange.

My husband and I have been watching the Showtime series, “The Tudors,” for the past week.  Henry VIII kept declaring that his marriages weren’t valid.  And, as you know, he had 6 wives, some of whom met a violent end.  Last night, we watched as Anne Boleyn gave her last words to the crowd amassed to watch her beheading.

Thank goodness, we do not behead people any more, just to end a marriage!

Still, everyone wonders, “What happened?”  We all want to know…it’s the Jerry Springer in us.

My father took me to meet the woman he planned to marry after my parents’ divorce was final.  “Why are you doing this?” I begged.  “What happened to you and Mother?”  I was in my early 20s and already understood that relationships could be difficult.

His words left me no room for hope that I would get answers to my hundreds of questions.  “This is between your mother and me.  It is private, and I cannot explain it to you.  What I will tell you is that it has nothing to do with you.  It is not your fault.”  He paused before adding, “Your mother and I will always love you.”

When I faced my own divorce, I tried to remember his words.  I tried not to involve my own children in the conflict.  I met with my pastor for advice.  I remember him saying, “Do the best you can, but remember, nobody comes out of this ‘clean.'”  He was right, and I have witnessed it in the lives of many friends and family members who have gone down the horrible path to divorce.

I would not wish it on anyone!

Yet, life does go on.  And people learn to deal with failure and disappointment.

Not long ago, my husband and I looked at each other and he remarked, “I’m so sorry we went through the sadness that we did in our former marriages, but I am so happy that we have what we have now!”  He added, “I wonder if we could have had this kind of marriage without having gone through those bad times?”

“I don’t know,” was all I could answer.

I always feel sad when I hear about a marriage ending.  I know some marriages NEED to end.  Still, it’s sad.  But I still hope that those who leave a bad situation may find a life partner who helps make sense of it all.

I wish that for Al and Tipper.  I wish it for everyone confronted with the end of a marriage.

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