Forrest in Heaven

By: ewhite422

Jul 20 2010

Category: Uncategorized

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Okay, here’s the one joke I know.

Now, to tell this yourself, you need to practice your Forrest Gump imitation.  Say, “You can stay with me, Jenny,” in your best Forrest voice.  Come on, you can do it.  (You might need to close your office door).

Next, practice your Lieutenant Dan voice with, “I KNOW that, Forrest!”

So here’s how it goes…

Forrest Gump died and went to Heaven.  At the “pearly gates” he met St. Peter (who curiously sounds like Lt. Dan).

“Now, Forrest, we’re not just lettin’ everybody in, you’re gonna’ have to pass a test.”  (This is where you explain to your fundamentalist Christian friends that this is JUST A JOKE, it has nothing to do with theology).

“I’ll do my best, St. Peter,” says Forrest.

“Okay,” says Lt. Dan, I mean St. Peter, “There are 3 questions.  Here’s the first one…what 2 days of the week begin with ‘T?'”

“That’s easy,” says Forrest, “TODAAAY and TOMORROOOOW!”  (How are you doing on your Forrest voice)?

St. Peter rolls his eyes, “That’s not exactly what we were looking for, Forrest, but I’ll let you have that one.  The second question is harder, you’re gonna’ have to use your math.  How many seconds are in a year?”

“Ya’ll are gonna’ have to let everybody in with these easy questions,” says Forrest, “There are 12 seconds in a year!”

“HOW did you get 12, Forrest?” St. Peter demands.

“2nd of January, 2nd of February!” Forrest announces with pride as he throws his shoulder back.

St. Peter puts his head in his hands for a moment and then straightens up and says, “Okay, Forrest, I’ll let you have that one, too, but the 3rd question is the hardest!  What is God’s first name?”

Forrest, undaunted, says, “Everybody KNOWS it’s ‘ANDY!”

“HOW on earth did you get, ‘ANDY?'” St. Peter exclaims, incredulous.

“Easy!” says Forrest.

“ANDY Walks with ME, ANDY Talks with ME!”

And that’s how Forrest Gump got into Heaven.


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